Okay, I admit it. I was naive enough to assume that having babies wouldn't throw our marriage into a spiral of chaos that neither of us saw coming. After all, infertility truly made our marriage stronger. . .so why wouldn't having the babies that we had waited so long for make our marriage stronger too?
100% all day long going going going.
Breastfeeding. . .and pumping. . .and breastfeeding. . .and pumping. . .constantly.
Nonstop babies. One of them ALWAYS needs something, and if they don't, then the dishes need to be done, the kitty litter needs scooped, clothes need washed, the floors need scrubbed. And we do let those items go for as long as we can, but we have to keep the house sanitary!! We have two pugs and a cat - it's a pretty hairy household if we don't clean at least once a week.
Me feeling the need to "keep score" and expect everything to be equal. . .I take the girls shopping with me and give him some alone time and I expect to be able to cash my alone time card in later. But I can't! I'm breastfeeding. . .I have to be available to pump or feed every 3 hours. . .a spa day is out for me. . .
Yup, I went there.
And I did so because I know I'm not alone. I don't feel comfortable in my post pregnancy body. YET anyway. I feel fat. And I definitely don't feel sexy. Si assures me that I am sexy, and he loves me regardless (so sweet!), but I am having a really hard time getting past what I look like. And that's not all of it. I have a new identity now. I am no longer the sexy wife. . .I am the mommy. Okay, and how do you get past thinking about your babies that are downstairs while you are trying to be intimate upstairs? It's hard. I haven't mastered it yet.
So how do we solve this problem?
We haven't been out "on a date" since before the girls were born. If we do go out, either the girls are with us and/or other people (family or friends) are with us. We never have time to just be. So, we have decided to have a dedicated date night each week. It doesn't matter if we just go to the grocery store, or if we go to the movies, or out to dinner. It has to be just us. We have to get our marriage back into good shape. If we don't, we can't be good parents.
We have actually decided to try ballroom dancing. I'm pumped! We know how to swing dance and that was our special thing that we would go out together and do before all of this IF junk and pregnancies and bedrest. It was SO much fun! We had total trust in each other. We were one out on that dance floor. I SO want that back again. We are going to do some swing I think, but we are also going to try some Tango, Foxtrot, and Waltz. I will let you know how it goes. I want to start classes next week. We will see if it helps us connect again.
Are any of you facing the same issues? What has helped you and your spouse get your intimacy back? Romance? Sex life?
We love these little peanuts to death, and we don't know what we would do without them! We just have to remember that we need to come first. Without each other we don't have much =)