Just lovin the crazy chaos

I'm way behind in blog updates. I know this. But I've been really busy with these two crazy beautiful mobile (walking!) ladies! They have turned into little people; these are not babies anymore ladies and gentlemen!!

Bri has been walking for almost a month now, but Livvy just started really walking last Tuesday. She is so proud of herself. It's so cute! She's still a bit wobbly (more of toddling sometimes than walking) but now that we have two walking (Bri nearly running) toddlers, I have found that there is even less time in the day to get things done. Even factoring in daylight savings time...and that's sad, after all we did GAIN an hour!

So, updates since I last posted:

1) I am done breastfeeding and pumping. It's been 4 days. It's been hard, yet kind of nice at the same time. I miss the closeness of breastfeeding, and knowing that they were getting the best possible nutrition from me, and now they aren't. On the bright side, not having to cart my pump to work with me every day has been stellar, I'm not going to lie. And I'm saving a ton of time by not pumping multiple times a day. Still not sure where this time has gone then, and how I've still had zero time to blog...hmmm...

2) The girls had their 1 year well check on October 21st. Yeah, like over 2 weeks ago. I know I'm a slacker. But, here are their stats... definitely some healthy girls!

Miss Olivia - AKA Baby A
Weight - 24 lbs 0 oz (86th percentile)
Height - 29.75 inches (62nd percentile)
Clothes - mostly 12 months, some 18 month, but most of the 18 month are too long in the legs or arms
Diapers - size 4

Miss Brianna - AKA Baby B
Weight - 25 lbs 4 oz (93rd percentile)
Height - 30.0 inches (62nd percentile)
Clothes - about 50/50 between 12 month and 18 month
Diapers - size 4

3) Livvy has kicked the paci habit, except at bedtime and naptime. She always had that thing in her mouth, so we took it away. She did fine! And she is talking SO much more! We took it away about 10 days ago, and has since learned how to say "baby" (we met Baby Jackson - the girls new cousin last weekend) and "ba-la" (Bailey, one of our pugs). She is talking SO much more without her paci! More than her sister now, and that, my friends, is a feat in itself! So glad we took it away when we did =)

4) Halloween was an epic fail in terms of costumes for the girls. We got them the cutest little costumes (Livvy was a pink elephant and Bri was a lamb), but they REFUSED to leave the headpeices on, and Bri figured out how to get her outfit off about 5 mintues after we put it on. We had grand plans to parade the girls around the neighborhood in their cute little costumes, but since we couldn't keep the costumes on them, that idea went totally out the window. We are going to try and have their pictures taken in their Halloween costumes when we get their pictures taken this weekend. Wish us luck...I'm not holding my breath!

5) The sippy cup transition has begun! The girls get their 50/50 juice/water only in sippy cups now, not in bottles, and they have responded pretty well to it. They are ticked when you try to put milk in a sippy cup though, so that is going to be a work in progress for a while I think. But hey, any progress is good.

6) Bathtime! Bathtime has morphed into both girls at the same time in the tub. Too bad they have no intention of sitting in the bathtub, and think it is crazy fun to play with the faucet and shower head more than their bath toys. Sweet.

7) Feeding time - The girls now do a lot of their own feeding. Bri loves it! She really isn't a fan of getting fed much anymore. Stick everything down on her tray and let her go to town! Livvy on the other hand is fine with getting some food on her plate, but she really prefers to be fed. Funny the differences between the girls!
Here's a pic of the girls after we let them go to town and feed themselves spaghetti. They LOVED it! They did go almost directly into the bath after this though (lol)...

I think that's all I have for updates right now. I promise I have been reading all of your blogs, sometimes commenting, sometimes not (I can't comment at work), but I am at the very least reading all about your trials and tribulations =).Keep up the good work ladies!

Happy Tuesday!
Megan

Can you learn to love your body again?

While I was pregnant with the girls I kept going back and forth in my mind about how I felt about a C-section vs. vaginal birth. I really wanted to have a vaginal birth. Really really. I thought it would be an easier recovery and easier to lose the baby weight (which was 74 LBS!!!) after the babies were born. When the time came though, I wasn't really given the option....pre-eclampsia was in full swing and while they could "try" inducing me, there were absolutely no guarantees that it would work and I could very likely end up with a C-section anyway. So...I opted for the C-section. Good thing I did. When the OB was in there (taking the babies out) he told me there was no way I would have been able to deliver Miss Olivia vaginally, so I would have been forced into a C-section anyhow.

So what's my point with this rant?

Well...I have had a difficult time accepting my post baby body. After being on pelvic rest and a no exercise restriction for the last 6 months of my pregnancy, I felt fat and unhappy. Sexy was by far a thing of the past. Post C-section my tummy was anything but toned (more like deflated balloon!). I am sure many many of you share my sentiment. So, once I was given the okay, I started trying to tone my body again in my "free" time (HA). Unfortunately I continued to weigh the same from 3 months post birth to 8 months post birth. It was very disheartening. Then for the last 4 months I decided to change things up. I have been doing 75 sit ups every day, speed-walking a mile, and done other miscellaneous toning exercises (and a smidge of yoga) along with watching what I eat.

The results?

As of the girlies 1 year birthday, I am only 3.1 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight!!! Can you believe that?! Now of course my body is never going to actually be the same as it was pre baby girls, but I can go and buy (relatively form fitting) clothes and feel comfortable in my skin again! 71 lbs...that is just crazy!!! It took me a FULL YEAR to get there....I'm just glad I kept working on it!

Now here's to hoping that once I stop breastfeeding I don't gain any of it back! Fingers crossed! And then of course I still have 20 lbs to go before I hit my pre-IVF weight....I'm not holding my breath...

So for full disclosure....

Here's me 6 weeks pregnant with the girls (documentation picture of what size I was going into it - lol)

Before giving birth to my two princesses:

Now, 1 year post babies (no spankx or any other suck me in's involved!):

Sure, my body is totally different, and I still have the extra "deflated balloon" skin, but I'm okay with it =). My OB said if/when he delivers our next/final child (via C-Section) that he will go ahead and do a tummy tuck free of charge....sweet....

So, where are you in your post baby weight loss journey? Is it something you are having to constantly work on? What has helped you lose the weight that you have lost so far? If you have lost all of your baby weight, have you been able to keep it off?

Oh, and a breastfeeding update since I just brought it up....I am in the process of weaning. I am pumping 3 x a day now, and Bri has stopped nursing entirely, even in the mornings. My supply has dropped significantly in the last 3 weeks, so I suspect in another week or two I will be able to stop pumping all together. Bittersweet! The girls don't need it anymore though, so I'm okay with it =)

Okay, that's all for now!
Have a great weekend ladies!

Megan

To pump, or not to pump?

The girls are quickly approaching their 1 year birthday and with that comes the question of whether or not to continue my pumping and nursing escapades. And they are escapades.

My entire daytime schedule is built around nursing and pumping. Get up, nurse. Then pump. Shower. Go to work. Pump. Wait three hours, pump again. Pump one more time before I leave work. Come home, have dinner as a family. Play. Bathtime. Pump again. Watch a couple of shows. Shower. Pump again. Watch the news. Go to bed. That's my daily pumping schedule in a nutshell.

I have an entire second set of pumping gear at work. I have two pumps - a Medela Pump in Style and a Medela Freestyle. I have battery packs, I have car lighter adapters, I have spare parts galore. I have about a gazillion bottles...so many that the nanny has a hard time making them all fit in the cupboard when she does the dishes (LOL).

To say I am well equipped may be the understatement of the year.

As you learned in my last post, by the time the girls are 12 months old I will have spent two months (60 days) solid pumping and/or breastfeeding. I LOVE that I can provide my girls such a wonderful form of nourishment. LOVE it. But, it is incredibly time consuming, and it is obvious now that the girls are mobile that it takes Si's full attention and energy to divert the girls away from me for 30 minutes 4-7x a day while I am pumping. I can tell he is irritated and is ready for me to be done. After all, there are things he can't get done around the house because he can't do anything while I am pumping (laundry, mow the yard, etc. simply because I can't watch the girls while I am attached to my pump).

And I get it.

So, in 5 short weeks the girls will have hit 12 months old, and my breastfeeding or pumping days can come to an end.
But what if I want to keep going?
Bri has become a good morning breastfeeder again, and I absolutely cherish the one on one quiet time I get with her when she nurses.
Additionally, the benefits of breastfeeding may go down when they hit a year, but they don't go away. I would think it would be beneficial for the girls to have my immunity through say, cold and flu season, wouldn't it?

But is it worth THAT much time spent being married to the pump??? I just don't know.

So...now I am trying to decide whether to:
1) Stop at the girls 1 year birthday (next month)
2) Stop at the girls adjusted 1 year old birthday (November 11th)
3) Stop after cold and flu season (maybe March?)

I mean, I would love to have my body back (and wear normal bras and tanktops), but if breastmilk is still beneficial to the girls, I want to do what is best for them! If it were you, what would you do?

As always, comments and opinions are welcome and appreciated!

I will leave you with a picture of Daddy holding the girls while they (appropriate to this discussion) enjoy the fruits of my labor =)

Until next time -
Megan

Leaps and Bounds!

It's absolutely amazing to me how much babies can change in just a short period of time. AMAZING.

Case in point: today.

It's like someone flipped a light switch in the girls developmental process! Last night, the girls were the same as they had been for a week before - no real obvious progress in mobility, vocabulary, etc.. If you put them down eventually they would roll across the floor, but they didn't really have any desire to crawl to get anywhere, and weren't really determined to learn, even with intense coaxing. But today?

Well screw crawling! Today Brianna and Olivia both have learned to stand while holding on to furniture or other items - not Mommy and Daddy. They just stand there (and bounce, or try and take steps). It's crazy. They couldn't do that yesterday, and they had no desire to do that yesterday. Brianna even took a step on her own, not holding on to anything! I know, it's only one step, but they can't even crawl yet!

Miss Bri - looking at me like "what mom?" - like she's been doing this for years or something!

Not the greatest picture of Livvy, but we didn't take that many and this one was the best out of what we got!

Geez, I think they are going to skip crawling all together. And now can you guess what the problem is? Now that they have this new found standing skill they do not want to sit AT ALL! Which means momma doesn't get to sit at all either =). Of course their legs aren't strong enough yet for them to stand more than a couple of minutes at a time so our day today has been filled by; the girls standing up (Bri makes it longer than Liv). Then they fall down. Cue crying. Then cue whining until someone picks them up and holds them or stands them back up. Repeat 2 minutes later. Talk about getting NOTHING accomplished today without a baby in hand! LOL. Occasionally they will decide that it is okay not to be standing, only so that they can roll all over the room and play in the dog's water bowl. OMG! They weren't doing this yesterday!!! How did they learn this overnight?!

Oh, AND, today they learned how to say mom! Bri says "mom" and "mama" (she said mom randomly at Zios on Wednesday), and she knows exactly what she is saying! She looks right at me and says mom! Or yells MAMA!! at me when I leave the room. Again, this just started TODAY. What the heck!? I love it!

And signing - that's right! The girls can now tell me (this started last night) that they are "all done" in sign language when they are done with their food and bottles. SWEET. Communication! They get SO excited when they do it, and honestly, so do I! =). And kisses! I almost forgot - I am getting open mouth slobbery kisses! So sweet!

Let's see. . .other changes. . .they are drinking less breast milk than they were just 2 weeks ago =(, and they are LOVING their solid foods. Everything is still pureed, but we are working on getting them used to lumpy food. It's definitely a work in progress though. I tried mashed mac and cheese with the girls last week and Bri choked on it. A bit scary, but she was fine. Maybe just not ready for stuff with lumps yet. She wants to inhale her food, not chew it. Not really sure how to correct it but I'm sure she will catch on eventually.

I have made a very conscious effort this long weekend to breastfeed the girls. I know that very soon they will have zero desire to eat from me, and I cherish that special time with them. They were ROCKSTARS! Saturday was a bit rough, but yesterday and today were great! Yay for less pumping! I had nearly forgotten how awesome breastfeeding was since I was only doing it on the weekends pretty much when I had time. But it is STELLAR. So way better than the pump. Ah, glad I took the time this weekend to work with the girls on it.

Oh, and Livvy got her first tooth FINALLY! Poor peanut has been teething for months without anything to show for it, but last Sunday (the last weekend in June) her first tooth finally broke through on the bottom. That brings the tally up to Bri - 2, Liv - 1. Bri is working on her first tooth on top now - it hasn't broken through yet, but it's close! And we are pretty sure that Livvy's #2 tooth will be coming in pretty soon, she is chewing like a crazy woman.

Wow, so lots of progress today in the baby department! If it's a while before you hear from me again it's because I will be chasing two little peanuts CONSTANTLY all over the house =). I know you guys feel my pain already!

Hope you are having a wonderful 4th!

Until next time -
Megan

I'm being bitten - OUCH!

Okay moms, help me out here. HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP????

I get why it's happening. The girls are teething and it hurts. During the day while I am at work they are getting breastmilk bottles instead of straight from the tap. They can chew on the bottle nipples and the bottle nipples don't get mad or jump or cry at them. . .so why does mommy?

Seriously, it HURTS. And I've tried to pull them back in towards me - even though that is totally counterintuitive. That's what I did when they were newborns and would bite me. And it worked. They stopped. But now? It hurts SO badly when they do it, I can't help but yelp and pull them away from me. And what do I have to show for it? Blood blisters actually around my nipples. . .yeah, not pretty.

So what can I do? My mom suggested putting my finger in their mouth when they bite me while they are eating as that will break the suction and at the same time let them know that they did something wrong. And I get that. But nowadays they are breaking latch every 15 seconds because they are too busy looking around, trying to grab my hair, my nose, my shirt, their blanket, whatever is even remotely close. So it isn't like they are totally honed in on feeding anyway. And maybe that's a good point to make. I don't get bitten in the middle of the night, and I usually don't get bitten first thing in the morning or right before bed. . .when they seem to be 100% focused on eating. Maybe them being focused has something to do with it?

Last night after Liv bit me I just started crying. . .I'm not ready to stop breastfeeding, but if this is going to be how it is, I will have to stop. I would still pump and feed them that of course, but that isn't the same thing. I want the closeness and the special time with my girls that I have now (or had I guess). I'm not ready to give that up! HELP! What has worked for you guys? Any ideas?

My Heart Aches. . .

I have two wonderful beautiful precious 4 month old baby girls that I love more than life itself. Between the girlies and my husband and our pugs and kitty I thought that my heart was full (at least for the time being). Then I saw this:

Yes, that is what you think it is. It's a positive pregnancy test. I will stop now by saying that it's no longer positive, then tell you how (well I guess you all know how it happened) so maybe I will just tell you how I figured out that it happened, and how I feel about it.

SO. . .last Monday (not 3 days ago, 10 days ago) I got in the shower as usual at 5:30 AM to get ready for work. I was washing my hair and I noticed that I was kind of nauseous. Strange I thought. Am I just hungry? When was the last time I ate? Since I get up at funky times in the middle of the night to feed the girls or pump it throws my body for a loop and my body thinks that it is morning and that it is time to eat. I thought maybe that was what was going on.

Although, this was a strangely familiar sensation. . .I'd had this feeling a lot when I was pregnant with the girls. . .but I pushed that thought to the back of my mind.

Then last Tuesday we were having dinner, one of my favorite pastas from Whole Foods and chicken scallopini (LOVE!). Yeah, I didn't eat the pasta. At all. It didn't taste good to me. Weird. I love the pasta from Whole Foods. I asked Si if his tasted weird and he told me no. Hmm I thought. . .food aversions. . . but again, I just stuck that in the back of my mind.

Wednesday was a georgeous day in Nebraska and I decided to take the girls for a walk around the block. One of our neighbors is an OB nurse practitioner and just finished breast feeding her son, so I casually asked her if it would be weird for me to feel the need to POAS (pee on a stick). She said absolutely not - that many breastfeeding moms feel the need to take a pregnancy test every couple of weeks or every month just for reassurance that they aren't pregnant since they aren't cycling. Okay I thought. . .that's right. . .I haven't cycled yet. . .there's no way I could be pregnant.

Fast forward to Friday morning. Brianna got up at 4AM to eat so after she was done I decided to just stay up and go ahead and get ready for work. I still had a pregnancy test in my bathroom closet, so I decided to go ahead and take it. . .for reassurance. . .

I very quickly got the positive test shown above.
Holy crap.
That can't be right.
There's just no way.
I'm breastfeeding. TWINS.
They are only 4 months old.
I haven't cycled yet.
I have stage 4 endo.
I only have one tube (on the left).
and my left ovary is my non-dominant ovary.
It took us 6 years of trying and 2 IVF's to get pregnant with the girls.
What are the odds I could be pregnant now? Answer - <0.01%

Not good.

So I call my OB's office the second they open on Friday morning (9 AM) and I leave a message - something along the lines of - hey, it's Megan (after having the girls they know exactly who I am), and you aren't going to believe this BUT. . .I got a positive pregnancy test. What process would you like me to follow now? Previously my progesterone has been low, but I'm breastfeeding now and I think that might affect different levels of hormones and I don't know if I should be on something, but I would appreciate a call back.

8 hours later at 5 PM (after the office was closed for the day), I got a call back from the OB's new PA. She told me to take another/different brand of test over the weekend and if it was still positive to call on Monday and they would have me come in for a beta. WHAT??? REALLY??? MONDAY???

"Why wait?" I inquired. Well apparently thier office has seen an influx of false positive pregnancy tests with FRER (First Response Early Response) over the last month. Okay. Fine. I will test again.

So I did. Saturday morning. Still a line, but definitely getting lighter. By Sunday the line was gone. I called on Monday to let them know that I had gotten another positive test, but I was concerned because the line was getting lighter, and me being the freak of nature that I am in the reproductive department was concerned about an ectopic pregnancy. The last time I had an ectopic my tube tore when my beta numbers were under 50 - nearly unheard of - but that's me - if there is a tiny chance something can happen. . .it will.

So, the normal PA was back on Monday and saw the exchange going on between me and the new PA and called me immediately. She asked if I wanted to come in for a scan and a beta - UM YES! Of course I do! I'm incredibly concerned about an ectopic pregnancy, and would prefer to be checked out just to make sure I'm okay.

So Brianna and I make the trek over to CB to have the PA scan me and do a beta. They did the beta first, then I waited FOREVER for the scan. And what did they see on said scan? Well, two different PA's were doing the scanning and there were two possible sacs in two different areas. The first contender measured in at 5 weeks 0 days and the second contender measured in at 5 weeks 2 days. Now I am in shock and they are starting to get excited. . . I start to get excited too (I apparently had forgotten that my HPT's were no longer positive). They immediately write me scripts for Neevo, Folbee, and Prometrium. Wait a second. NOW they write me scripts??? Oh that's right! I wasn't taking a the prenatal that I needed because my OB REFUSED TO GIVE IT TO ME. . .AFTER he told me that this exact scenario was totally possible and "happens all the time". Uh huh.

Well. . . .my beta came back negative at less than 1(yes I expected a low or even negative number since the tests were getting lighter and were actually negative by the time I was seen) so now the OB's office is telling me that my pregnancy tests gave me false positives, and that the "sac(s)" previously seen on ultrasound were actually blood pockets.

Excuse me? From what? I had TWO D&C's after the girls because there was still crap in my uterus and I wouldn't stop bleeding. My OB did the last D&C ultrasound guided to make sure he got everything out of my uterus. And he has pictures to show that there was NOTHING left over. NO blood, NO sacs, NO anything. Now I am being told that my pregnancy tests were obviously wrong, and the ultrasound findings were blood? Really? I smell something fishy. Maybe someone trying to cover his a$$ since I specifically requested the prenatal I needed to sustain a pregnancy and he REFUSED to give it to me? UGH! I don't know. I'm irritated and I just find it hard to beleive that multiple preganancy tests from multiple lots were somehow "contaminiated" and are handing out false positives. The first test I took was well over a year old from when I was first pregnant with the girls. The test from Saturday was from a different lot that I just bought from Target on Friday afternoon. Yeah, not the same test, and a false positive is beyond not likely.

At this point I'm not bleeding. . .not yet anyway. Which makes sense, since supposedly I was never pregnant. I can tell you - this was my FOURTH pregnancy. I know what it feels like to be pregnant. I also know what it feels like and what it looks like on pregnancy tests when you miscarry.

Sigh. . . cue miscarriage #3. . .

In theory, because I am breastfeeding, my progesterone level should be high enough to keep me from actually miscarrying on my own. Awesome. And since the OB's office is saying now that I was never actually pregnant, they aren't going to do a D&C or anything to clean out my utuerus. UGH.

I thought twice about posting this to my blog because so many freinds and family read this blog and I didn't really want to go public about getting a positive HPT. BUT, when I googled breastfeeding and pregnancy tests and false positive tests there wasn't jack out there for me to read and to compare my story to. Apparently this just doesn't happen. So I felt that I should share my story so others would have something to compare their situation to, should it ever happen again. And if it does, and if you are one of those readers - drop me a line and let me know - I'd love to hear your story.

Now on to how I feel about this whole ordeal. First I was terrified when I saw that BFP on Friday morning. What would Si think? Could we handle it? Emotionally? Finanacially? I mean, how on earth would we be able to properly care for 1 year old mobile twin girlies and a newborn and give everyone the attention they need??? Would our nanny still be able to watch everyone? Would I have enough time leftover to take off work for maternity leave (again)? What if the baby wasn't okay - I mean - I was off of my necessary prenatal for nearly a month?

Then I got excited when I saw Si's eyes light up Friday morning when he exclaimed "maybe it's a boy!". I thought, maybe! How cool would that be!

That turned to a little bit of sadness and relief (I'm being honest here) when the HPT's got lighter. I mean, I didn't want to have to explain to everyone (and you KNOW someone would say something) about how we magically got pregnant on our own when the girls were 4 months old after having to do fertility treatments to get the girls here to start with. I can hear it now - "see, if you would have just relaxed. . ." or "see, you weren't patient enough. . ." you would have gotten pregnant on your own. Grrr...I can feel my blood boiling and no one has even said that yet!

Now, over the last couple of days I have become very sad about the loss of our baby. . .at night when the girlies are asleep and I lay in bed I think about the baby still inside of me that didn't get a chance to develop into their full potential. And I wonder - which way was harder - was it harder for me to m/c when we were desperately trying to get pregnant? During that time finally seeing those two pink lines was such a relief - the excitement was absolutely overwhelming - and such a scare at the same time as I was so terrified that I would lose the pregnancy.

Or is it harder now, now that I know what potential that baby really has? I've been holding my girlies just a little closer the last couple of days. . .that's what these baby (ies) could have become. . .so sad that they didn't get that chance. . .

Traveling (flying) with a baby? Insight needed!

Happy Super Bowl Sunday everyone!! We are having a Super Bowl party tonight with lots of food and people, and I'm excited to see everyone=). But that's not the reason for this post. I have a question, and I need your input.

I have a work conference in Orlando next month. Due to flight schedules from Omaha I have to be gone from Thursday until Saturday night (even though the conference is only from noon-5PM on Friday and 8 AM-noon on Saturday). Si and I discussed getting a plane ticket for him and flying everyone (us and the girls) down to Orlando for a mini-vacation of sorts. But the flights are EXPENSIVE, and the babies are really too young to enjoy/remember/know the difference between being at home vs. being in Orlando (at Disney World), which essentially turns this into a question of what is easiest for us.

For those of you that have been following my journey, you know that I breastfeed my girls (or pump and feed them the breast milk). Of course this is a major concern if I have to be out of town and away from the babies for any significant period of time, but overall my concern with being gone without my babies for 3 days is multifaceted.

First, leaving the girls at home. It can be done, but Si dealing with two teething 4 month olds BY HIMSELF for several nights is not going to pan out well (the nanny would be around during the day on the weekdays so it would only be evenings, overnights, and the weekend). I mean sure he can do it, but he will be SO frazzled by the time I would get home. And in all honesty, I wouldn't choose to do it on my own unless I absolutely had to, so I'm thinking that he probably isn't going to have a great time with it. Not to mention that I will be forced to pump for every single feeding (every 3 hours during the day and at least once at night) and won't have ANY exposure to my girlies at all. I bet my milk output goes way down. Boo.

And pumping while traveling??? How the heck am I supposed to do that??? My flight down is over the course of 7 HOURS. No way can I go that long without pumping. So what are my options? Pump in my seat on the plane? Um, not really an option (the pump is loud enough to be obvious and easily detected by the person next to me, besides the fact that I don't really want to bear my breasts for the world to see). Pump in the bathroom on the plane? What, for 30 minutes while none of the other passengers can go to the bathroom (the flights out of Omaha are almost always small planes with only one bathroom)? Yeah, not so much of an option either. On my 50 minute layover between flights? That would be an option, except I have to change planes (and terminals), and the planes start to board 30 minutes before take off. There is no way that I can de-board the plane I am on, change terminals, find a bathroom to pump in and pump for 30 minutes, and still catch my connecting flight. Not going to happen. Sigh.

I woke up this morning at 4 AM (as usual) to pump (the girls are sleeping through the night now, so I have to get up and pump since no one is awake to feed - and it's my biggest pump of the day so I can't skip it!). Anyway, so I woke up this morning VERY upset. I had come to the realization that when I woke up at 4 AM in Orlando (for several days) that there wouldn't be any girls for me to look at or listen to breathe, or hear the tick tock of Brianna's swing as it swings back and forth all night. All I would have in Orlando would be silence. I literally cried while I was pumping this morning, and it took me a good hour after I was done to get back to sleep.

Then it came to me. Why not bring one baby with me to Orlando?! This would solve my breastfeeding problem on the way there (and back), would lessen the load on Si (he could easily take care of one baby - one baby would be a breeze after taking care of two all the time!), and I would still get to be close to one of my babies. Would it be ideal? No. Would it be doable? I think so!

I was so relieved when I came to this realization. However, I've never traveled with a baby before, so I have no idea how big of a pain in the neck it would really be (in fact, all I could think was that traveling with one had to be easier than traveling with two - which was our original plan).

There are only a couple of hours each day that I would be in meetings, so I was thinking that maybe I could see if the hotel had a nanny/babysitter that they could recommend, and worst case scenario there are other work people there with me who maybe would potentially volunteer to watch Bri for 45 minutes or an hour at a time during the conference. . . we could just rotate! I would have to excuse myself from the meeting at some point to go and pump anyway. . .it's just a thought. . .

So what do you think? What would you do? Would you leave the babies at home with Si? Would you take one and leave one? Would you just pay the money to fly Si down there too (with Olivia too of course!)?

How hard is it to fly with a baby? How hard is it to pump and try and bring gallons of breast milk back through security? (okay, so gallons might be an exaggeration, but it probably would be a gallon and a half. . .). Anyone have any experience with this? I'd love to bring Bri with me if possible, and I don't really care that it's extra work. I bring the girls out on my own all the time, and while it is extra work, I refuse to not at like a normal human being doing normal things simply because I have twins. I don't think traveling would be that much different. . .but maybe I'm wrong. Your insight is appreciated!

Besides, how can I go for 3 days without seeing these beautiful little ladies smiling back at me???? =)

Megan

One month old!

People tell you to cherish every minute with your babies because they change SO fast. I suspect this is one of those things that you don't pay all that much attention to because between 11 PM/1 AM/3 AM/5 AM feedings, massive sleep deprivation, and 150 poopy diapers a week, there doesn't seem to be time to stop and enjoy your growing babies. We are no exception. The babies are a month old today. A MONTH! Where has the time gone?

Honestly, around that two week point I was praying that time would go faster. We were having a hard time adjusting to caring for two "preemie" newborns, Si had gone back to work, my milk had fully come in so I literally was the milk cow between breastfeeding every 2 hours and pumping, and I was getting maybe 2 hours total of sleep a night. The babies weren't putting on as much weight as the pediatrician and home nurse wanted, and I felt like I wasn't doing a good enough job caring for my babies.

What a difference two weeks can make! The babies are more on a schedule now - feeding every 3-4 hours during the day, and making it nearly every 4 hours between feedings at night. I am exclusively breastfeeding, except one Neosure bottle a night for Brianna, and two for Olivia (so dad can help with the girls in the middle of the night too). They are getting a bath every night - usually between 11 PM and Midnight - then they are both getting a bottle and they will usually sleep until 3:30 or 4 AM! We both get up and feed them when they wake up, then they are usually good to go until 7-8AM when Si leaves for work. Definitely more manageable. AND, we are probably getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night. DEFINITELY an improvement from the maybe 2 hours I was getting before! I can't wait until we sleep through the night, but I can be a bit more patient now and enjoy watching them grow up now that I'm not quite as sleep deprived.

We had our last home health visit with the visiting nurse, and the girls are doing GREAT! For the last two weeks both of the girls have gained a beautiful amount of weight - between 8 oz-10 oz each, each week! Brianna is up to 7 lbs 7.5 oz, and Olivia is up to 7 lbs 6.5 oz! We are almost the size of an "average" newborn now - woo hoo!! We are still wearing newborn clothes and diapers, but I suspect our time is now pretty limited in them. . .maybe a week. The girls are starting to grow up so fast!!!




Oh, and do they have their own little personalities or what?!
Olivia is quite the social butterfly. She LOVES to chat it up with whoever will listen! She "talks", or coos, or mumbles while she is awake, while she is sleeping, while she is playing, and while she is feeding. She is going non-stop! And the faces she makes! Cracks me up!!! I suspect she will be our little drama/speech queen. She always wants to be first, and definitely enjoys being the center of attention. In the last two days she has started holding her head up more, and is pushing up with her feet trying to stand on us. No little one, you don't get to be mobile yet!! This little daddy's girl is full on personality and life =).





Brianna is our more reserved little lady. She is patient, and more calm than her sister. Unless of course she is getting her diaper changed or getting a bath. . .then it is game on and she can scream like no one's business! She has already managed to roll over, although we didn't actually witness it. I put her in her crib on her back last week and I came back in an hour later to her on her tummy! She has been able to roll from her back to her side since she was a week old, but all the way over? That's just nuts! I suspect Brianna will be our more athletic little one. . .she always has her arms flailing as though she is swimming, and she has kicking down pat too! She is most excellent at kicking off her blankets, then crying because she is cold. We have learned that we have to swaddle her pretty darn tight. This little momma's girl is a cuddler who LOVES to breastfeed =).





As we are more on a schedule now I hope to be able to go back to following all of my fellow bloggers, answering emails within the same week they are received (not kidding - sad!), and providing updates and pics on this blog. We shall see! I am totally on my own during the day with the girlies now, so I'm hoping to be able to maintain my sanity while attempting to return to semi normal life. . .wish me luck!

Is it possible to be this tired?

Okay, so I have to admit something. When I was writing my last blog post I was SO exhausted (and of course still am) that I fell asleep several times sitting up while trying to write it. I have to tell you guys this because Si thinks it's hilarious, and really I have to agree. So there I am, sitting there on the couch, trying my darnedest to get you guys an update on the babies. I am doing the 10 rounds of Tyson (LOL) while writing and the second time that I fell asleep I fell asleep with my finger on the "e" key. I woke up a couple minutes later to two pages of "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" on my blog! I promptly deleted it of course, but really I probably should have left it! It would have been good for a laugh! We are so sleep deprived now with the babies home that we joke that we are having "e" moments - LOL.

So, the girls were in the NICU for 8 days and came home last Thursday. They have been home for about 10 days now. When we left the NICU they told us that we would need to follow up with our pediatrician as well as have a home health nurse come out to the house once a week to check on the girls - make sure they are doing well, are gaining weight, etc. Well, we had our first home visit from the visiting nurse the day after we were released from the NICU. That was interesting. Si and I make way too much money to qualify for any services or anything from the state, so we have never had the privilege (I guess) of having a worker out to the house. She really made us feel stupid - and we are both very well educated people - I know that we aren't stupid! Anyway, I digress. When we were released from the NICU the neonatologist had started the girls on Neosure for two feedings a day (a formula specifically created for premature babies - it has extra calcium and phosphorus in it which apparently the babies would have gotten their last month in the womb had they stayed in there that long). The Neosure is a higher calorie formula, so it is supposed to help them gain weight better than breast milk. Now if only it worked and the girls tolerated it well! From what I can tell it made them nothing but gassy and fussy. They spit up more and just generally seemed unhappy. I really didn't like the formula feedings, especially because I was making enough breast milk to feed both of my babies and even get a bit extra left over! If we were going to bottle feed, we could feed breast milk. Anyway, so we were on the neosure to help ensure that the girls were continuing to gain weight. The visiting nurses scale showed that the babies had lost weight (again), which of course freaked momma out (because I didn't want them to have to go back to the hospital to gain weight). She called Olivia "scrawny" which ticked me off because she isn't, and overall her entire visit just left a bad taste in my mouth. She was condescending. . .and she had no right to be.

That was Friday (the 21st? - I can't keep track of days anymore let alone dates!). We saw the pediatrician on Monday (the 24th?). She said that the babies looked great! She said that they didn't even look like preemies and that I had done a wonderful job getting them to the weights that I did before they were born=). She also said that we didn't need to continue the Neosure feedings. She said that there are better more effective ways to increase calorie intake if we need to, but there is no reason to have the girls on a formula that they really don't need that is making their tummies upset. She gave me the go ahead to breastfeed exclusively, 24/7. YAY. She would re-evaluate after we met with the visiting nurse again (this past Thursday - the 28th?), but as long as the babies were gaining at least 2/3 ounce per day, we could stick with breastfeeding only. Well, the visiting nurse cam back on Thursday and apparently her scale and the pedi's scale are WAY off. I knew that the girls had gained weight since Monday but her scale showed that the girls weighed the same as they had when we went to the pediatrician. UGH. I'm really ready to just be able to feed my babies and watch them grow and not worry about whether or not they are gaining enough weight every day off my breast milk! Why does this have to be so difficult?! Anyway, so I am thinking about calling the pediatrician tomorrow to see if I can bring the girls in simply to weigh them and make sure they are gaining appropriately. I'm really not a huge fan of the visiting nurse, so I would rather figure out with the pediatrician's office what I should or shouldn't be doing to help my babies grow big and strong!

What else is going on? Well, the girls have started to become increasingly fussy between about 9 PM and 12 AM. Last night Brianna cried for about 5 hours straight. It was torture! I felt so bad for the little peanut - nothing I/we did could calm her down. She would cry, I would cry, Si's mom would come and take her for a while, but regardless, the vicious crying cycle would continue. Thank God that Si's mom is still here though! She has seriously been a God send. I don't know what I would have done without her here for the last couple of weeks. She has helped with the babies (especially with the middle of the night crying spells/feedings), cooked, cleaned, done laundry, been ridiculously supportive. . .she is AMAZING. I am SO glad she came down to help us. She will be going back home today some time and I am SO sad to see her go. She could just move into the spare bedroom and live with us forever and I would be totally cool with it! My dad is coming to stay with us on Monday and Tuesday, but I don't think he is intending to stay the night (which is really when I need someone the most - 24/7 breastfeeding really catches up to you at about 3:30 AM when what you really need is a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep - HA!). Then my mom will be staying with us for a week, and she will be staying the night, so hopefully that will work out well. We will see. I am really hoping/wishing that we can get the girls on some type of a sleep schedule sometime soon! I mean, they are eating about every 3 hours now, so that is a schedule, but they don't just sleep in between feedings, and especially not in the middle of the night. They seem to be getting a bit better about sleeping in the middle of the night, but they definitely haven't perfected the art of sleeping yet.

Other multiple moms - when did your babies start getting a night time schedule and sleeping semi-regularly? How was dad incorporated into the nightly feedings - especially if you were breastfeeding? Si and I had talked about running a schedule where he would be up with the babies from 9 PM until 2 AM, and I would be up with the babies from 2 AM on (since he is back to work now). That way I could get 5 hours of sleep potentially (if my breasts didn't explode first - lol!). It is just immensely difficult to care for two babies on your own - especially if they are fussy. Props to all of you ladies that have done it! I am definitely still trying to figure it out. And I have SUCH a hard time letting one baby cry while I'm tending to the other. . .how do you "choose" which baby to tend to first if they are both upset and crying? And how does their cry not hurt you?

Okay, that's enough for now. I should probably try to sleep a bit while the babies are sleeping (HA!). I just wanted to drop in and let you know that we are still alive here (barely), and although sleep deprived are still chugging along on the train of parenthood=). Hope you all are doing well!

Oh, and I almost forgot to add in pictures! Sorry!
Here's the girls trying to sleep together in the pack and play =)


Here's the girls hanging out on their boppy on my lap =)


And here's the girls in their carseats for the first time when we left the NICU =)