Harder than I thought. . .

The first 4 weeks or so with twin babies was hard. I hate to admit it, especially after all we had to go through to get these little munchkins here, but there were several times during that period that I wished I could go back to work. My thought process was that everything would be back to "normal" if I went back to work instead of being the resident milk cow and mommy 24 hours a day 7 days a week - which is SO very hard. I enjoyed being mommy to the girls, but it was exhausting, and I really felt like I lost every ounce of who I was during that time period (I never left the house, didn't get any sleep, etc.). Since then it has gotten much better. The feedings have been further apart. I have learned to pump and feed the the girls what I pump instead of breastfeeding every time they needed to eat. They have been sleeping more at night, and have been taking longer naps during the day. They have started cooing to communicate. They have started to smile =). I am comfortable taking them out in public by myself. I REALLY enjoy being with them ALL the time.

Well, I started back to work last week. Part time. 2 ten hour days. WOW is all I have to say. I go to full time next week. I will be working 4 ten hour days. People told me that it would be hard to go back to work, but I seriously underestimated how HARD it would be to leave the girlies every day. I mean WOW. I miss them SOOOO much when I'm gone. And they don't even realize that I'm gone right now - they are still too little to comprehend what is going on. It's only going to get worse. What am I going to do when they can look at me and say "Mommy, I don't want you to go"??? UGH. Not looking forward to that day.

I am very very lucky to have an understanding boss that is letting me work 4 - 10 hour days as opposed to 5- 8 hour days. That gives me a whole extra day home with my girlies, and an extra day that I don't need to pay the nanny to stay with the girls. Don't get me wrong - we have a great setup. My dad (Papa Ken as he is passionately being referred to) is staying with the girlies 1-2 days a week depending on his schedule, and we have a friend who is in college who is nannying for us for the remaining 2-3 days per week. The girls don't have to leave the house at all, and we are very blessed to have wonderful people to watch them when mommy and daddy aren't around. But it still isn't the same. It's not me at home with the girls. And even though I thought it wouldn't bother me all that much to go back to work, it is.

Unfortunately we don't have the option at this point for me to stay home with the girls. Si recently took a different job with a decent pay increase, but it still isn't enough to make ends meet if I stayed home. I am the breadwinner, and I guess this is one of the negatives of being in that role. Sigh. Grandma Pat will be eligible for retirement in a couple of years, so maybe she will want to stay home and watch the girlies. Or maybe Si really will be able to start his own business and I can stay home and work for him. Only time will tell. All I know for now is that everything happens for a reason. While I was very worried about daycare while I was pregnant with the girlies, I had faith that God would show us the path we were supposed to take with them. Boom - Grandpa and nanny Whit and 4 -10 hour days. Awesome.

Next on our list - we need a minivan. I really want a 4WD Toyota Sienna. . .but we can't afford the $40K price tag for a new one, and that's really what we would need to buy to get the payments where we need them and a good interest rate. My grandparents have a Town and Country Touring and they LOVE it, so we are looking at that. It's not 4WD though, and we do live in Nebraska and the winters here can be nasty and can make 4WD a necessity. Right now we have a 4WD Ford Escape and I love it. . .it just doesn't have enough room for the girls AND all their stuff, and there's no room for the pugs. We must have room for the pugs. They travel with us all the time when we go out of town. Since the girls have been born we simply haven't gone out of town because there isn't enough room in the Escape. Sigh. A minivan. I never wanted a minivan. Si still doesn't want a minivan. Does anyone have any insight on what minivan would be best for a decent price, or what SUV you have if you have multiples, and if it has enough room for everything? We don't have 3rd row seating and I wonder if that would be enough and then we could stay in the realm of SUV's. I think if you have 3rs row seating though you don't have the extra storage space in the back for all of the stuff that goes along with babies. . .well, unless you have a Tahoe or something. But I digress. . .let me know if you have any insight.

What else is going on? Oh, well, miss Olivia is sleeping through the night without waking up for a feed EVERY NIGHT. Every night! Or at least every night for the last 10 days. It's great. Brianna did really well for about 4 days, going to bed at 10 or so and waking up at 4 or 5 AM to eat then going right back to sleep, but the last several days have been totally different. Not going to bed until Midnight, up at 4 or 5 and NOT going back to sleep. Boo. I'm back to work now - didn't she get the memo?! Momma needs her sleep too! And then if she doesn't sleep she is a bear for grandpa in the morning. Come on kiddo! Take a lesson from your sister =). LOL. Actually we know how lucky we are to have twins sleeping essentially through the night at 12 weeks. Bri has just had a couple of slip ups is all. More often than not she makes it through the night. And it is WONDERFUL. I forgot how great it was to sleep. It's glorious. Thank you CIO (cry it out) and sleep training.

During the day we are doing Eat, Play, Sleep cycles and that seems to be going pretty well too. The girls are actually really good and relatively easy babies. It makes life a lot easier =). And it will make life easier for the nanny too. And a happy nanny and happy babies lead to a happy mommy and daddy too. YAY. I will keep you guys updated with how everything goes next week when I am back to work full time. Yikes.

I will leave you with some pictures of the girlies. They can hold their heads up totally on their own now. It's amazing when they learn to do something new! The next thing I expect them to do? Roll over. It's coming. . .any day now!

Here's a pic of momma and the girlies from the other day =)

And here's a pic of me and the girls too, but this is more me proving to people who doubted me that this really can be done! I am simultaneously feeding both babies. . .it's much easier now that they have more neck control. I've also noticed that since I am gone all day and pump during the day that I am dead set on breast feeding while I am at home with them. It's my special time with them, and I love it. =)

Here's a pic of the girls from today - hanging out in their boppies next to each other. Both are smiling, although you can't tell as much from Bri (on the right). She's still perfecting the perfect smile, and she hasn't mastered holding it for more than a second- which is never the second I am flashing the camera of course =)

And here's a pic of the girls out cold in their car seats. If you need them to sleep, stick them in the car seats and drive around for 10 minutes=). They usually wake up pretty soon after we get back home and out of the car, but sometimes a cat nap is all they need to feel refreshed and not quite so cranky=).

Okay, that's all for now! Hope you all are doing well - and as always - comments are welcome =).