Something has been weighing on my mind for about a month now...
Staying home with my girls
When I went back to work 10 weeks after the girls were born I was honestly a little relieved. I had some "me" time back. I was something other than "the twins mom" for 10 hours a day, 4 days a week. I could go to work without worrying about the girls. I had a fabulous, fully capable nanny for 3 days a week, and my awesome dad for the other day. I was off on Wednesday's, so between Wednesday's and the weekend, I had 3 days off to spend with the girls. Ideal, right?
Maybe.
I liked this set up. I would venture to say it was almost perfect. Until about a month ago....the girls now know that I'm leaving. They know that I'm gone. They sometimes cry when I leave. I don't want to leave.
This is becoming the common scene whenever I leave to go anywhere (work, the store, etc.)
Insert sad face here!
I'm the breadwinner at this point. I've been working in the same government job for 4+ years, and it's been great. I make good money, carry the health insurance, have a good benefits plan with awesome time off.
But my contract ends in June...then what?
Are there other options for me to keep working? Sure!
Is the money guaranteed to be the same? Not a chance.
Are these positions within the VA where I am now? Probably not.
Would I have to start all over with my time off, switch insurance, and move to a different location? Very likely.
Do I want to do this? No.
For the first time, I don't want to advance myself. I want to be with my children.
And this is a STRONG desire....not just yeah maybe that would be cool, but like, this is what I am supposed to be doing desire. We worked SO hard to get these girls here and they are growing up SO fast...I almost feel like I am missing it. And I regret that. I don't want to have regrets.
The bigger piece of this puzzle is money (of course). We just can't afford for me to stay home all the time. I would have to take some sort of job doing something. So we are thinking about our options.
One thing that Si has wanted to do for years and years is be an IA (Independent Adjuster) for catastrophies (hurricane's, floods, tornados, etc.) and travel to where the storms are and work on assessing damage and helping people get their lives back together. I had always told him no before. I wouldn't be able to deal with him being gone for weeks or months on end multiple times a year. But now I'm seriously considering it.
Why?
We could go with him.
All of us.
Even the pugs.
24-7 with the girls and the pugs.
I could help do the IA stuff too, so we could work twice as quickly. (okay, or with the girls, maybe 1.33333 x more quickly...lol)
We would get to travel to where the disasters were (something we wouldn't be able to do once the girls are in school).
We would be helping people get their lives back together.
We could make the money situation work.
We would only work 1/2 to 2/3 (ish) of the year (in theory of course), and would be "off" the rest of the time
The negatives?
We would be away from our family and friends
We would get zero breaks together from the girls
We would never know where we were going next or how long we would be gone
I would really have to learn how to budget.
So this is the battle that is going on in my mind right now...and with all of the party planning, there hasn't been as much time to blog. The big banana birthday extravaganza is next Saturday - oye! I hope I'll be ready!
We made a trip to the apple orchard today with our parents of multiples group, and the girlies had a great time =). Here's the girls trying to figure out why we had parked their stroller in the middle of an apple tree. No worries...they figured it out...they each got to pick out 3 apples, and now mommy gets to make them their own batch of applesauce! YAY!
So that's all for now (like that isn't enough!)...hope you are having a happy hump day!
Until next time -
Megan
Such big decisions for you!!
ReplyDeleteOne thing is for sure, you are sacrificing something no matter what...but it's in those times we grow.
There are tons of us SAHM's out here that are more than willing to help you, encourage you and point you to meal planning, budgeting sites/places, let you know how we do it.
We say no to a lot. A lot. We don't have nice things, or eat out a lot etc...but it's worth it to me!!
So just know, you won't be alone! And whatever you guys decide, you just do the best for YOUR family because we are all different!! Hang in there!
Being a stay-at-home mom is totally worth it (to me)! Are we poor? Absolutely. But its totally worth it. We wouldn't be going out to eat and stuff a bunch anyway.
ReplyDeleteI see that you are a follower of The Hutton House blog- I'm pretty sure that her husband is an insurance adjuster too. And they always look like they are having an awesome time traveling around with their girlies and their dogs.
WoW! That's a lot of thinking and decision making in your world right now...all I can say is I totally value that I get to be at home with the kids for the next few years BUT I do miss my professional life...it's a catch 22!
ReplyDeleteI know you will make the best decision for you, the kids and your family...best of luck!
Can't wait to see pictures of the BIG B-Day celebration!
P.S. Missed ya and happy you "blogged" in for an update! ;)
I think you know how I feel! :-)
ReplyDeleteDoes it help to look at it at the end of the road? Like - years and years and years later - will you think - Woo hoo - I drove a nice car and had a nice house and nice things? Or will you think - I wish I had been home more? Can you get decent insurance through your hubby's work if you didn't up being traveling adjusters? (My insurance is slightly less than decent but its something.)
I think regardless of your decision - your girls will be great. But staying home - WORK ALSO - is great. There's a different bond I think. Not better - just different. and I love it!
Where there's a will - there's a way - and if the opportunity presents itself - take it! :-) I'll support you 100%! All your negatives seem to me to just be a matter of adjustment. Even no breaks for date night or whatever when you're on assignment IF you are somewhere where you have no access to a trusted source. You'll adjust to making up for it when you do come back home.
LASTLY - From working with kids for the last decade plus - I think the best years to be home is when they are school aged and coming home after school. That's when I saw my kiddos need their parents the most.
Hang in there - one thing I know about you... Things have ALWAYS worked out. :-)